Palintology

"One of the things we have to change is the idea that people cannot disagree without challenging each other's character and their patriotism. The times are too serious for this patriotism playbook." Barack Obama

"This is a man who can give an entire speech about the wars America is fighting, and never use the word "victory" except when he's talking about his own campaign.Victory in Iraq is finally in sight ... he wants to forfeit. Al-Qaida terrorists still plot to inflict catastrophic harm on America ... he's worried that someone won't read them their rights." Sarah Palin

Last Thursday was a disorientating day for any foreigner glued to the US election campaign. One minute Barack Obama was basking in the hollers and cheers of 80,000 star-spangled liberals in Denver, fresh from accepting the presidential nomination and approving perhaps the silliest set design since Spinal Tap’s microscopic Stonehenge. Then Sarah Palin arrived.

Poor Obama must have been wondering where everyone had gone. On the face of it, this was the most bizarre vice-presidential nomination since Dan ‘The Potatoe’ Quayle, and the way the press told it the McCain team had found Palin flipping mooseburgers somewhere in the part of America that should be part of Canada. And that turned out to be her version of events too. It must be a devious ploy to win over the disenfranchised Hillary hardcore, wheezed blindsided pundits, ignoring Palin’s somewhat divergent stance on absolutely everything, not to mention the fact that in every publicity photo she seemed to be armed to the teeth.


All this before she’d even taken to the stage for her acceptance speech, which, as it turned out, was utterly brilliant and completely policy-free. Like Serial Mom meets The Deer Hunter, it took us from small-town Alaska to the Hanoi Hilton, via the sordid back-alleys of Washington. It was compelling, mawkish, thundering and sarcastic, and really needed one of those '60s Batman sound-effect boards to do it justice. “What does Obama actually seek to accomplish, after he's done turning back the waters and healing the planet?” KAA-POW! “I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a ‘community organizer’, except you have actual responsibilities.” ZAAAAM! As you scoured the GOP’s speechwriting team for Jack Dee, you could just hear the unmistakable ka-plunk of Republican jaws, and reason, hitting the floor.

Five days and six trillion words of gleeful copy later and still no one’s quite sure what to make of Palin. VPs don’t win elections, they say, but then this is no ordinary election — for one thing, it’s the first time the incumbent party has attempted to run as challenger to itself. “Nothing to do with us, buddy,” the Republicans wheedle, while the rest of the world tries to figure out why there isn’t at least a hundred point gap between the parties. Americans like their politicians to pretend they’re not politicians, a stunt Palin has pulled off pretty impressively, but pretending not to be the government takes real concentration.

Exactly how free Palin turns out to be of the “special interests, lobbyists, big oil and the good-ol' boys” will be fascinating to discover. Leaving aside the hockey mum schtick, fishing, homespun wisdom and general piety, she's a politician and lobbying is as much a fact of political life as fundraising or, say, taking credit for scrapping pointless projects you'd approved in the first place. Just type 'John McCain' and 'lobbyist' into Google and start wading through some of the 2,600,000 entries.

Palin has a weekend of intensive briefing behind her now and is on the verge of her first interview with the national media on ABC. We'll find out what’s behind "the naughty smirk of the killer librarian", as A.A Gill puts it. Gill detects "the delicious hint of salty revelations to come," and, as the king of the salty revelation, he should know. We can only hope. If ever there was a strong argument to give moose the vote, Palin is it.